Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Okay, I've noticed something.

You people *love* it when I rant about low-carb food (and I say "you people" with the utmost affection). I just scanned through my comments and nothing seems to get people talking like a good old "what is UP with these low carb foods?" a'la Seinfeld rant.

But, honestly, I've run out of low-carb things to talk about it. Shoot, I would have thought you'd be all so tired of it that you'd be *begging* me to talk about something else.

Or so I've though....

In an effort to appease everyone and find something to blog about, I did a search for "low carb foods". Yes, I delved into the belly of the beast.
Milk, soft drinks, candy bars...I was just scratching the surface! How blind I was! But really, this is it. No more lo-carbs rants. I've said what I wanted to :)

But, in closing, I've decided to list some other "low-carb" foods that I came across in my searches.

"Just-the-Cheese Baked Cheese Chips" - I'm still having trouble believing this one. I'm (half) tempted to order it. I just don't believe someone is making a cheese chip for those on a diet. But, I'm not dumb. I just read the description. Yes, by god. It is BAKED CHEESE, Gone through a "17-step baking process." And only 1 gram of carbs per serving. Yea, too bad there's 15 (!) grams of FAT in a serving. As much as an average candy bar.

Wait, it gets "better"...

"Steel's Rocky Mountain Ketchup" - #1 - I was not even aware that Ketchup was HIGH in carbs. #2 - are you really using so much of this stuff that it makes a *difference*. Shit, people. You use about 1-2 tblsp on-average and, considering that it's neither oil nor fat, it shouldn't make a difference. Wtf is wrong with good old ketchup. Plus, it's flavored with Splenda, which means you'll grow a third eye in a few years.

"Keto's Ready-to-Drink Milk" - okay, I know I've harped on about low-carb milk before. But, does something strike you odd here? Let's look...hrm.."Ready-to-Drink Milk". Wow! That means, I can like ..open up the milk, pour it straight into a glass and drink it. Just right out of the carton. What will science think of next? This product should come with a free..boot to the head! -whoomp-

"Ketone in Urine" test strips - No, not a food. I guess I was just not aware that a lo-carb diet would involve having to PEE on a STRIP! You know, if I'm peeing on a strip, I better be pregnant.

"Low Carb Flax and Nut Crunchies" - I'm sorry, low carb or not, as a guy, I *refuse* to buy something called "Nut Crunchies".

"Sugar Free Truffles" - Because, when I want to enjoy the decadent delights of truffles, I want them sugar free. Damn, just don't eat them everyday and enjoy REAL food.

Btw, here's a hint that carbs are not the solution - ONE apple has approx 14g of Carbs. I have eaten probably almost a thousand (literally) apples in my life. A raw carrot has 12g. If someone ever told me not to eat a carrot because of carbs..well, you can all guess where I would place my uneaten carrot.